May 28, 2018

What are you really looking for?

By Matt Eschler, LMFT


Live your life on purpose!

– Matt Eschler


We have all wanted more time in our day to accomplish some task or create some new way of enjoying our lives. Time is an impossible resource to manipulate. It flows at the same pace no matter how we feel or what we are doing.


Recently, I have found myself looking for more. Not more money, not more stuff – I wanted more time to do what I want, and I wanted more energy and passion in my life! I considered a buying a Harley Davidson, but decided that it wouldn’t serve my family very well right now. I drove by a tattoo shop advertising tattoos at 1/2 price, but thought that me getting one would scare my wife. If I were my own client in the counseling office, I would say I was in the middle of a “mid life crisis”! How many of you are searching for more? Maybe you want more time with your family, more passion in your marriage, or a more dependable income.

About a decade ago, I decided to amp up my excitement in life, so I signed up for a competitive triathlon. First, I would need to learn to swim, and second, I would need to dedicate a chunk of my time and energy to exercise. I began training but everything went horribly wrong. Because of my lack of planning and follow thru, I completely failed at my first event!


How many of you have ever decided to do something new in your life, but were hurt, disappointed, or even failed in the process? You can avoid these disasters by taking the following two steps: First, take ownership over your decision, and have a solid sense of purpose for what you’re doing. Put 100% into your decision, and don’t let yourself settle for lackluster effort. Second, create a strategy for success. Schedule out your time factors and any other responsibilities. Make certain you are honest during this process and keep commitments with others.


Seeking constant critical feedback from trusted sources is a crucial part to success. Feedback can come from a spouse, coach, therapist or any other person you trust to tell you the truth. These trusted sources should be there to hold a mirror up to you, allowing you to gage your progress and generate any necessary changes.


Personal growth, time management, skill enhancement, and peak performance are the lifeblood of success. With my next triathlon, my objective is to mentally train toward really knowing my core purpose or intent. I plan to train with a clear mind and seek constant critical, honest feedback to boost and gage my performance. Try using this same mindset in your approach to your partner, spouse, or any relationship you have that needs improvement. Relationships can benefit from ownership over choices and decisions, responsible planning and follow-thru, transparent communication, and loving, honest feedback.



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